Planning in The Onion

We often say around our office that “we don’t take ourselves seriously, but we take our work seriously” and those of you who know us would agree. When there is work to be done or a deadline upon us we are all business – but we still like to joke and have fun. Every friday morning, Kenny, our door man, greets us with a new issue of “The Onion”. It lives on our break room counter for a few days, each of us getting a few good laughs while we wait for our coffee to brew. Occasionally, there is a planning related article that is clipped and circulated. Below are some of our favorites. If you are a bit of  a planning geek and have a sense of humor, enjoy.

1. Obama Replaces Costly High-Speed Rail Plan With High-Speed Bus Plan

Obama Replaces Costly High-Speed Rail Plan With High-Speed Bus Plan

 

2. Urban Planner Clearly Depressed When She Came Up With Street Names

 

3. Chicago Out Of Names For Subdivisions

“We have used every tree, body of water, and living thing in the almanac. You don’t have to drive all the way out to Kevin Acres to know we need a new naming system.” Full Article

4. City Councilman Unearths Magical Zoning Amulet

“With this sigil, the power of zoning comes. Through me, the power of zoning flows! All will behold my power, and I shall bow to no man when designating matter-of-right developments for major retail and office spaces to a maximum lot occupancy of 75 percent for residential use!” Full Article

5. Zoning Committee Meets, Zones A Bunch Of ….[stuff]

“The Norcross City Council zoning committee is celebrating what it described as a “monster” zoning session Monday. “Man, we were zoning $#it left and right. You wouldn’t believe the $#it we zoned…” Full Article

6. Alderman Has That Zoning Dream Again

“Pelson said the dream always ends the same way, with him experiencing the sensation of falling out of his office chair into a 60 percent business, 40 percent residential abyss” Full Article 

7. Ten Years Of Life Dedicated To Getting Municipal Pool Not Built

Draper, now 47, began his long battle against the public pool in May 1995, when the former director of public works, Bart Janklow, proposed it. Draper mobilized a coalition of six citizens who opposed the pool due to its expense and the traffic congestion and noise it might create. Full Article

8. Report: 98 Percent Of U.S. Commuters Favor Public Transportation For Others

 “Of the study’s 5,200 participants, 44 percent cited faster commutes as the primary reason to expand public transportation, followed closely by shorter lines at the gas station.”

“Expanding mass transit isn’t just a good idea, it’s a necessity,” Holland said. “My drive to work is unbelievable. I spend more than two hours stuck in 12 lanes of traffic. It’s about time somebody did something to get some of these other cars off the road.”  Full Article

9. Urban Planner Stuck in Traffic of Own Design

“According to Rothstein, it was then that the Urban Redevelopment Authority, along with several private urban-planning firms, began the slow process of rethinking the city’s roads, parks, and commercial and residential districts. Today, the city’s designers are regularly lauded for their elegant, modern buildings and stuck in traffic of their own making for hours at a time.” Article Link

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